This Isn't What I Wanted
by vldatcjv
Summary: Soulmate AU in which the first words your soulmate says to you are forever tattooed somewhere on your body, the ink getting darker every moment you spend together. Three shot. Will turn into a full story if there seems to be enough interest. (Rated T for minor character death)
1. Chapter 1

Clarke had always been secretly jealous of her friends that already had their tattoos - the ones who already found their soulmates - though she'd never admit it. She wondered why she couldn't have been lucky enough to meet her soulmate at four or five like Monty and Jasper. The pair had told the story a thousand times, and Clarke never got tired of hearing it.

* * *

 _Monty's mother always had a joy for gardening, and out of all of the herbs, spices, flowers, fruits, and vegetables, Monty found the bluebell flowers the prettiest. He would go out to his mother's garden every day with a different Doctor Seuss book and read a story to them - to help them grow. And it was during one of these readings, on a bright and sunny day, that a little boy crawled under the tiny hole in the fence that separated their yards. Monty did not know the other boy, but he did think the other was very handsome, and he wanted to be his friend._

 _The scrawny, brown-haired boy stood up when he made it all the way through the hole and ran to Monty, making Monty scream, drop his book, and protect the flowers he was reading to. The slightly bigger boy stopped right before he reached Monty and fell backwards onto his butt._

 _After both boys had finished laughing, the bigger pointed to the flowers. "Your flowers are pretty."_

 _Monty nodded as he heard the other and smiled big. "I think your face is pretty!"_

 _The bigger boy gave him a weird look. "My name's Jasper, and I'm a boy!"_

 _Monty giggled as he looked at Jasper. "So am I!"_

 _Jasper reached forward to try and touch the flowers when suddenly Monty felt a sharp pain on his back. "Hey! My mommy said it's not nice to hit! Why'd you hit me!"_

 _"I did not hit you!" Jasper shouted in defence as he stood up, a pain in his leg bringing him back down, crying._

 _With both boys now in pain, Monty took Jasper's hand and brought him inside to show his parents. "Mommy!"_

 _The woman came out at the sound of her little boy, looking between Monty and the crying Jasper. "Monty, sweetie, who's this?"_

 _"A really pretty boy," he started but shook his head, "but that's not what I wanted to talk about! I got a boo boo on my back, and Jasper got a boo boo too!"_

 _His mother started by taking Monty's shirt off to look at his back. And sure enough, on his shoulder, Monty had the words 'Your flowers are pretty' printed in small black lettering. The woman didn't completely understand until Jasper pulled up his pant leg and she saw on the side of his knee the words 'I think your face is pretty.' The woman still didn't fully understand, however. Her son was only four, and this little boy couldn't have been much older._

 _"Jasper, honey, how old are you?" she asked as she got ice packs out for both boys._

 _Jasper held up five fingers and showed them to the woman. "This many," he said as his cries began to die down._

 _About five years later, when they knew both boys would understand, they explained what those tattoos that got a little bit darker every day they spent together meant. It was at that time, Monty aged nine and Jasper aged ten, that the boys decided that they loved each other, and they spent every moment they could together since._

* * *

At that time, Clarke had just turned eleven and was wondering why her and one of her best friends, Wells, didn't have words tattooed on each other. They'd known each other their whole lives, and Clarke was almost certain that Wells was her soulmate. That was, until they were sixteen and dated for two weeks, four days, and eleven minutes and both decided they were better off as friends.

And there was Lincoln and Octavia. They had gotten their tattoos when Octavia was a freshman and Lincoln was a senior. At the time, Lincoln swore he was too old for Octavia, though both of them knew what the tattoos meant. After getting rejected by the older boy a total of thirteen times throughout her freshman year, Octavia resulted in dating other people and having casual hookups with her best friend, Clarke. The two were never uncomfortable about it though. They loved each other, just not enough to start a relationship or to end their friendship because of these little monthly flings. And either way, Octavia knew her and Lincoln would end up together anyway, and they did, the day Octavia turned eighteen.

As for Bellamy and Murphy, they knew they were each other's soulmates. And although everybody knew they'd go to the end of the earth for each other, they were both too stubborn and stupid to admit that they were even the slightest bit gay.

Clarke, Raven, and Wick had still yet to find their soulmates. Raven had been pretty sure that a certain brunette boy by the name of Finn Collins was her soulmate. They had never gotten their soulmate tattoos, but everything with Finn just felt absolutely perfect. That was, until he royally fucked her over by trying to get into Clarke's pants. And, despite the fact that she constantly denied it, Clarke knew that Raven missed Finn. She also knew that was the reason that every so often, as she did with Octavia, Raven had Wick over for the night.

Though Clarke was jealous of her friends that did have at least what Raven and Wick had, she'd be lying if she would've said she wanted that too.

* * *

The twenty year old girl walked to the convenience store up the street that she had always gone to before going to her best friend's house, picking him up a Hershey's bar and herself a Snickers bar. She had been having a rather bad day, as she had for the past three years on this exact date, and was not in the mood for people. As she began to walk out of the store, a brown-haired girl bumped into her.

Clarke, clearly annoyed by the slightly shorter girl, looked directly into the girl's green eyes, "Get the fuck out of my way."

The other girl noticed the cold look in Clarke's eyes but just gave her a gentle smile, thinking she might have needed it. She felt a stinging pain on her foot, but she didn't mind. The awkward staring had made the girl feel a certain sense of calmness that was interrupted by the other.

Clarke let out a very small smile, almost unnoticeable, "Sorry, I'm Clarke."

"Lexa."

That was all it took to send a tingling feeling through Clarke's entire body and a stinging feeling through her left ring finger. Instinctively, Clarke looked at her finger, and when Lexa's name appeared on it, she shook her head and ran. She ran as fast as she could to the only place she felt safe; to Wells. Instead of going through the front door like a normal person, Clarke chose the unconventional path she had been taking for nearly twelve years. She jumped the fence to the backyard and climbed the tree that led to Wells' open window.


	2. Chapter 2

"Wells," Clarke whispered with tears rolling down her cheeks as she entered the room that hadn't changed in years.

For a second she heard an answer and saw the silhouette of her best friend, which gave her hope. But the sound dissipated and the figure was just his clothing he had laid out for his last day of junior year. The tears that were silently streaming down her cheeks became more aggressive as she jumped in the window onto the bed, hugging the pillow that he used to sleep on. Because it had been exactly three years to the day since Wells had become an angel, the pillow no longer smelled like him, but she didn't care. It had been three years since Clarke had begged Wells to allow her mother to drive him home. Three years since they had their last ever fight, which also happened to be their last conversation.

* * *

 _"Wells, please. Please get in the car."_

 _The boy was a rather aggressive drunk, and the party for Octavia's eighteenth birthday wasn't exactly the most alcohol-free zone. The Blake family comprised of two people; Bellamy and Octavia. Bellamy was twenty two at this point, and didn't care much if his younger sister or her friends had any drinks. He made sure nothing illegal happened, but other than that, "It isn't my life," he would say._

 _Clarke stayed moderately sober, knowing that her mom would kill her if she had a hangover the next morning. But, she couldn't keep Wells from drinking, which made the evening much more difficult. When her mother came to pick her up, she pleaded for the boy to join her and her mother and allow them to take him home._

 _"Wells, please, if you drive home, you could hurt yourself or someone else!"_

 _The dark boy shook his head, "No, Clarke, my father has to see my car is home in the morning. He'll know I was drunk!"_

 _"Please, Wells, please!"_

 _She cried as she held onto Wells' arm, trying to pull the boy to her mother's car. This happened every single time they had any drinks, every single time. Clarke started to plead louder and louder until Wells pushed her onto the ground, Clarke yelping in pain. Octavia, hearing all the nonsense, rushed over to her best friend's side._

 _"Bell!" She yelled as she helped Clarke back up to her feet._

 _Bellamy rushed over at the sound of his baby sister, worried, "What the hell is going on?"_

 _Octavia motioned to Wells who was clenching and unclenching his fists in an attempt to stay calm, as he did the day he had beat the living shit out of Finn Collins for trying to do anything to Clarke. Which is to say, that usually didn't calm his anger. As Octavia helped Clarke, who was still begging for Wells to come, into her mother's car, Bellamy forced Wells off of his property._

 _The next morning, at precisely two eighteen AM, Clarke's heart was shattered into a million pieces when she got the call that Wells Jaha had died in a car accident in which he collided with a truck traveling the opposite way. Every second after became immediately more painful then the last, and Clarke didn't even have the strength to wipe the tears from her eyes._

 _That's why, to this very day, there is no alcohol allowed in the Blake household._

* * *

Clarke cried into the pillow that was already tear stained, his parents never washing the pillowcase, knowing Clarke would go berserk if they did.

It was only then that she had began to whisper, "I met my soulmate, Wells. And I ran away from her. She had the most beautiful green eyes. She was breathtaking."

She could almost hear what she knew Wells would've asked, which made her smile ever so slightly as she looked at her ring finger, "Lexa."

Her voice was barely audible to even herself, but after a little bit of talking to her angel, she fell asleep, cuddling his pillow and blanket.

Downstairs, the Jaha parents were slightly confused when a brunette knocked on their door, "Can I help you?"

The couple standing at the other side had never seen the girl before in their lives, they were certain their son hadn't known her either.

She bit her lip as she looked at them, "I am sorry to intrude, but I am looking for a girl. She is blonde and has the purest blue eyes I have ever seen. I have something very important to ask her, she told me her name is Clarke."

This made the man turn around to call up the stairs, "Clarke Griffin, come down here right now!"

When there was no answer within the next fifteen seconds the man looked at the girl, "Excuse me for a second."

As he ascended the stairs, the two females exchanged a weird look, the younger speaking first, "You do not look anything like Clarke. Is she adopted?"

The woman laughed at the girl's question, shaking her head, "Clarke doesn't live here."

When she said nothing else, the girl decided to speak again, "My name is Lexa."

While they were talking downstairs, the man was upstairs waking Clarke up.

"Clarke, I know you miss Wells, but you can't just break into our house and attract girls here asking for you like you live here."

Clarke's eyes opened quickly as she heard the mention of a girl, "Who was she, Jaha?"

The man shrugged, "I don't know. I don't believe Wells knew her either. She said she had an important question to ask you."

"Well make her go away, she can't see me like this! I'm a wreck! And I just wanna cuddle Wells' pillow a little longer and miss him a lot before she makes me fall in love with her because I wanna do that but just not today because I love Wells so much and he deserves for this to be his day and-"

Jaha slowly picked up the blanket and put it over her head as she was talking, "I'll just give her your phone number and tell her to text you tomorrow."

Clarke popped up from the covers, "No, no, no. If you do that, Jaha, I swear to God if you do that I will make your life miserable."

Jaha threw his hands up in defense, "What do you want me to do, then?"

Jaha, in the past few months where Clarke had seemed to be missing Wells extra hard, had become thankful that though he only had him for seventeen years, he had a son and not a daughter, and a gay daughter at that.

Clarke shrugged, "I don't know, just, don't be stupid!"

The man got up, "Fine, I guess I'll just tell her that you can't talk right now because you're too nervous and sad."

Clarke glared at the man, "Just give her my stupid number."

After going back downstairs and giving Lexa the other girl's number, explaining to her only to text or call it the next day, he collapsed on the couch, "That girl is crazy."

"Clarke or Lexa?" His wife asked with an amused tone.

"Yes."

It wasn't even five minutes later when Clarke had received a text from an unknown number.

 _'I know that man said to text you tomorrow, but I have got this tattoo on my foot with the words you said to me earlier and if my sister sees it she's going to flip.'_

Clarke laughed lightly as she read the text, shaking her head and putting her phone back down on the bed to avoid taking the importance of the day away by the girl she didn't even know.

Exactly two hours and twenty three minutes later, when Clarke was away from the Jaha household, she looked at the text again and smiled, taking nearly another fifteen minutes to form a reply, looking up at her and Octavia's secret place. It was a treehouse that was behind an old abandoned house, and they were sure nobody else knew about it. She texted Lexa the address, telling her to meet her there and she'd explain everything.

After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, but in reality was only about thirty eight minutes, she saw the girl walk and knock on the front door. Clarke got down from the treehouse, going to the front, "Come this way."

"Clarke, I am sure you have things to tell me, but can the first be why I have your words on my foot and I cannot wash them off?"

The slightly taller girl took Lexa's hand, leading her up to the treehouse. When they were settled in, Clarke finally opened her mouth to talk.

"Do you believe in soulmates?"

Lexa slowly nodded her head, causing Clarke to show her the name 'Lexa' tattooed on her ring finger.

"When you meet your soulmate, the very first thing they ever say to you is tattooed onto your skin. You and I, Lexa, are soulmates."

Lexa was taken aback by how forward Clarke was, "I don't even know you."

Clarke nodded, "And I don't know you, but somehow, this world has picked us out for each other."

Just as they settled into a comfortable silence, a slightly ticked off Octavia joined the two in the treehouse. Octavia began to complain about the awful day she was having when she finally noticed Lexa.

She looked at the new, unfamiliar girl, then at Clarke, then back at Lexa, "Out, now."

Clarke shook her head, "Octavia, no, let her stay."

Octavia gave Clarke an angered look, "Clarke, this is our special place. And you decide to bring some random girl here?"

Lexa stood up, "I don't want to interrupt, but I don't think I'm just some girl. You see, Clarke told me to get the fuck out of her way earlier, and then my foot stung. And then I chased her to the house of these very nice black people who said they're not her parents but treat her like they are. And then she told me to meet her here so she may explain all of this to me. And she shows me her finger, which has my name on it. Which means we are soulmates."

Octavia furrowed her eyebrows while Lexa spoke, "Wait, what the hell did you just explain?"

Clarke rolled her eyes and stood up, picking Octavia's arms up and showing her the tattoo she had, making Octavia realize it, "Ohhhh, the tattoos. Alright."

When she finally pulled her arm back from Clarke, she laughed a little, "But still, get out. I need my Clarke to myself."

Lexa was again confused, "She is not your Clarke."

The oldest of the three nodded, "Yup, she's definitely my Clarke. She's been my booty call more times than one. My Clarke."

The youngest shot a death glare at Octavia, "My soulmate."

Octavia growled a little as she heard Lexa's words, "You don't even know her. She has been my best friend since the day we met. You don't know how sad I am today, how sad she is today."

Suddenly Clarke remembered the reason she said those first words to Lexa. She remembered the reason she never wanted to meet her soulmate. She remembered Wells. It seemed as if the entire world came crashing down around her. She was dizzy, and Octavia and Lexa's arguing became voices in the distant as the girl collapsed on the ground.


	3. Chapter 3

Both girls immediately became aware of Clarke on the ground and rushed to her side, Octavia pushing Lexa away, "Clarke, stay with me."

This wasn't the first time Clarke had ever done this. In fact, ever since she was a little girl, whenever her mind became occupied with many thoughts, she became overwhelmed and had a tendency to pass out. After quietly saying she thought she had an idea to wake the girl up, Octavia, though highly annoyed, allowed Lexa to go to Clarke's hesitation, Lexa leaned down over Clarke and placed a soft kiss on the other's lips. Clarke's eyes slowly opened, kissing the other girl back with a certain passion she had never felt before.

Octavia's fists clenched at the sight of the two girls. "Okay, I think she's awake now."

She pulled the small girl off of Clarke, pushing her off to the side, Lexa whimpering as she hit the floor. Octavia kneeled back down beside Clarke, brushing her hair from her face.

Clarke shook her head, "What's your problem, O? You've never been like this around anyone?"

Octavia watched Clarke move over to her soulmate and lean down by her side like Lexa had done to her. "Clarke, we agreed this would be a romance free place when we were like fourteen."

Clarke looked at her and raised an eyebrow, "I can name at least four places in here we've had sex, so that's out of the window."

Lexa wasn't sure how she felt about the fact that Clarke and Octavia talked about past hookups like it was such a casual thing. However, she did know that she loved the feeling of Clarke's arms wrapped around her and the sound of Clarke asking her if she was okay. It was nothing like when her older sister, Anya, would try to comfort her. Anya was stiff and uncomfortable, not sure how to make her sister feel better. But with Clarke it felt so natural, so much like Clarke's arms were molded just for her to lay in.

"Clarke? We promised each other we'd go to Wells' grave this day every year, and it's almost sundown. If we don't go, then it's like we're forgetting about him."

Clarke nodded and started to whisper in Lexa's ear, "I have to go with her. I can't break a promise I made one of the most important people in my life."

Lexa nodded but didn't move, "Who is Wells?"

Clarke let a few tears roll down her cheeks, Lexa immediately wiping them off of her face. She listened closely as her soulmate told her the entire story of her and Wells, down to the morning she got the call that her best friend was dead.

She looked at Octavia before speaking again, "And that day is the day Octavia and I became practically inseparable. It was the last time we ever hooked up, the day we became forever connected. Octavia is my other half."

Octavia smiled a little, extending her hand to Clarke. When the blonde girl took her hand and intertwined their fingers, Lexa's face flushed with embarrassment as she looked at their hands.

"I, I, I've gotta go."

As Lexa quickly climbed down from the treehouse, Octavia ran after her. "Lexa, wait!"

Lexa turned around, "Clarke may be my soulmate, but she is in love with you. You are in love with her."

Octavia sighed before speaking, "Yes, we love each other. But we will never be soulmates. I have my soulmate, she has you. You are her soulmate. While we're connected in so many ways, you two have been picked out of billions of people for each other. And I would give anything for the universe to tell us that we were meant to be. But I'm meant for Lincoln. He makes me so damn happy. The way you rushed to each other's sides when the other was hurt? That's real love. You've only known Clarke for something like eight hours and the way you sat in her arms made it seem as if you two had just spent an eternity together. Clarke is scared of having you. She never wanted to find her soulmate, Lexa. You need to prove to her that she not only wants you but needs you."

Lexa nodded, "May I come with you to Wells' grave, for her?"

After what took her a painfully long time to consider Lexa's request, she slowly nodded her head. "Fine, but only because she's gonna cry and I can't stand seeing her cry."

Clarke's head immediately popped up as she heard the two re-enter the treehouse, "I'm still mad at you for compromising our special place. But you are my best friend, and I want you to be happy, so Lexa's coming with us to Wells' grave."

"You're letting her come with us? Do you think she'll be able to handle both of us?"

Octavia shrugged a bit, "Well, if she calms you down, you calm me down. Just as long as she doesn't get all weird when we hold hands again."

* * *

Clarke's eyes filled with tears as she stood over Wells' grave. Her right hand was intertwined with Octavia's, her left fallen at her side. Lexa was a few feet behind the pair. And, unlike the previous two years they had come to the grave of their third best friend, Clarke did not cry as hard or as loud. Yes, a few lone tears did roll down her cheeks, but she did not cry. Octavia, on the other hand, who had done so well keeping her composure in the past, fell down to her knees, crying his name as she laid down on top of his grave, trying to get closer to him.

"I'm sorry."

Clarke sat down at Octavia's feet. "Get up here, O."

The older girl immediately moved into Clarke's arms, whispering, "I'm sorry Clarke. This is my fault. If I hadn't made Bellamy kick him off of our property, Wells might still be alive. I took him away from this world."

Clarke wasn't sure what to say. In her mind, it was a little bit of everyone's fault. Bellamy allowing him to drink, Octavia getting Bellamy to make him leave. She couldn't even get him to let her take him home, for Christ's sakes. But this was also Wells' fault. He knew how he was drunk, he knew he should've gone home. Yet, somehow, Clarke had managed to forgive everyone in this situation, except herself.

"It isn't your fault, Octavia. This was just one big accident."

Both girls went silent, the older's legs wrapped around Clarke's waist, Clarke's arms wrapped around Octavia's. Lexa sat beside the blonde girl, taking her hand and lacing their fingers together. The trio sat exactly like that for hours, none of them saying a word.


End file.
